Catholic Horses

A Church Guy sent this along:

One day while he was at the track playing the ponies Mitch noticed a priest who stepped onto the track and blessed the forehead of one horse lining up for the 4th race.

Lo and behold, that horse–a very long shot–won the race.

Before the next race, as the horses began lining up, Mitch watched with interest as the old priest stepped onto the track again. Sure enough, as the 5th race horses came to the starting gate, the priest made a blessing on the forehead of one horse.

Mitch made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race.

Mitch collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest would bless for the 6th race. The priest again blessed a horse.

Mitch bet big on it, and it won. Mitch was elated. As the races continued, the priest kept blessing long-shot horses, and each one ended up coming in first.

By and by, Mitch was pulling in some serious money. By the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and waited for the priest’s blessing to tell him which horse to bet on.

True to his habit, the priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day. Mitch also observed the priest blessing the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag.

Mitch knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag.

He then watched, dumbfounded, as the old nag come in dead last. Mitch, in a state of shock, made his way down to the track area where the priest was.

Confronting the old priest he demanded, “Father! What happened? All day long, you blessed horses and they all won. Then, in the last race, the horse you blessed lost by a Kentucky mile. Now, thanks to you, I’ve lost every cent of my savings–all of it!”

The priest nodded wisely and, with sympathy, said, “Son, that’s the problem with you Protestants. You can’t tell the difference between a simple blessing and last rites

The Duck Song And Catholic Theology

We at St. Francis Men of Emmaus are expert theologians. Theological conundra (we use big words too!) that stump lesser minds are child’s play for us. With that in mind, we offer you:

THE DUCK SONG

As of this writing, The Duck Song has been viewed more than 100,000,000 times (no typo!). What are the profound theological implications of “The Duck Song?” Does it presage the End of the World? Or merely the End of the World As We Know It (and I feel fine)? What does it say about the Nature of God? Love? Beauty? Truth? The other sublime mysteries of our faith?

Or…. is it a consolation from an infinitely living Father hidden in a cute, catchy tune and a quick laugh to brighten a moment or two? Is it a consolation when we adults show it to our kids and grand kids and their faces break into a smile and they begin laughing in spite of themselves?

Without further ado, here is THE DUCK SONG.

Five Clicks To Jesus: The Wikipedia Game

The fruit of the fifth Joyful mystery is joy at finding Jesus. This is a whole new way of finding Christ.

Wikipedia articles are chock full of links to other Wikipedia articles. The challenge is to start with a random article and find the Wikipedia article on Jesus in 5 clicks or less. So far I’ve been able to do it each time.

Here are five articles chosen using Wikipedia’s random article feature. The first is very tough, the rest are easier. Can you beat my click count? Enjoy!

Chrysomyinae (5 clicks – very hard).

Bottesford, Leicestershire (3 clicks).

158 Koronis (5 clicks).

Cabañas de Ebro (3 clicks).

Leo T (dwarf galaxy) (4 clicks).

In A Minute

Dan climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord … ‘God, what does a million years mean to you?’

The Lord replies, ‘A minute.’ 
Dan asks, ‘And what does a million dollars mean to you?’

The Lord replies, ‘A penny.’
‘Dan asks, ‘Can I have a penny?’
‘The Lord replies, ‘In a minute.’

The Wrestling God’s Blessing

Zenit is a wonderful news service focused on the activities of the Holy Father and other Roman officials. Sometimes, though, their headline writing is just a little off.  The latest example:

Benedict XVI Speaks of Wrestling God’s Blessing

Before this headline, I didn’t even know there was a Wrestling God or that he gave blessings!  Could this be him?

source

In any event, if you want to read a nice reflection on Jacob’s wrestling with God, read Zenit’s article.

Bishop Laffite Stands Up For Church Guys Everywhere

We’ve all been there.  In the doghouse with our better halves.  We may not know what we did wrong, but whatever it was, it was bad.  We were and are wrong.  We were and always will be in need of forgiveness.

Well, the next time we’re in that situation, we can now remind our wives that it is their religious duty to forgive us.  Of course, Bishop Laffite diplomatically (bishops are always diplomatic) talked about this topic in a way to suggest that we should forgive our wives when they are in the wrong.  But, of course, wives never need forgiving because they never do anything wrong — just ask.

So the next time our wives need encouragement to forgive us, we can just cite Bishop Laffite and blissfully await immediate and fulsome forgiveness.

Of course, Bishop Laffite did not say that our wives had to forget.  Now, that would be asking the impossible!

Comic Relief — Updated

A Church Guy favorite —

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One of our guys sent this over — he shall remain nameless, known to none except the Lord:

Wendell the Apostle was in a boat fishing in the Sea of Galilee when a burst of wind blew him out of his boat into the cold water and his boat drifted off. He did not panic, he merely prayed to his Lord to save him. In about an hour, the Apostle Dave came by in his boat and saw Wendell and reached out to him to save him. Wendell refused the help advising “I have prayed to my Lord to save me!” Apostle Dave continued to the shore to unload his fish and make some coffee. In another half hour as darkness was approaching the Apostle Lewis was heading to shore in his boat, and he saw Wendell and reached his oar out to him to save him. Again Wendell advised: “I have prayed to my Lord to save me.” Lewis proceeded to the shore scratching his head. A half hour later, darkness came and Wendell sank beneath the waves. When he awoke, due to his work with the Church Guys, he was in heaven facing his Lord. But he then asked the Lord: “Lord I prayed to You to save me, but I see that my prayers were not answered but instead I died. Why?” The Lord responded: “Wendell like so many others on earth, you need to learn how to hear my WORD. I did hear your prayers and I sent both Lewis and Dave to save you from drowning, but you did respond to MY messengers. You all must hear my words of love and be responsive to whatever messengers I may chose to send you.” He then said: “But because of your good work with the Church Guys, you have in fact been saved!” Let’s sit down and have some of Dave’s Coffee now!